If Found… Don’t Leave
A Review of DREAMFEEL’s Extraordinary Visual Novel
Available on Steam, Nintendo Switch, and iOS.
Full spoilers for If Found…
Journals and diaries can provide an interesting examination of a person through their subjective details of daily life. Whether it be an epistolary novel, a deceased figure’s passed-down possessions, or perhaps one’s own diary, another individual’s perspective onto this personal lens can create a person that may or may not be true to reality; it is an unreliable source at times for even the most honest of people, but without any other source, what the reader has at hand is all that is necessary to create that person’s identity. The marks they make (or don’t), the scribbles, legibility, hastily or carefully written, any images or symbols drawn, they all add a touch of personality to an ever growing understanding of this individual and their thoughts, concerning themselves, the people they know, and their environment.
With the visual novel If Found… (2020) DREAMFEEL interpret a trans woman’s journal by not reading the journal but instead destroying it, erasing it page by page until nothing remains, until no one remains. Kasio McHugh, the journal’s owner, returns home to Achill Island, Ireland in December 1993 after obtaining her Master’s in Dublin. Her mother and brother barely recognize her, and tensions arise leading to Kasio’s departure to an abandoned house where her friend Colum, his boyfriend Jack, and the couple’s bandmember Shans illegally reside. Unsure of the future, Kasio and her other outcasts seek out identity, family, love, and a permanent home where they often see none from their Catholic conservative community. Meanwhile, the end of the world looms as a cataclysmic event threatens to destroy the universe, and an astronaut seeks the means to prevent this destruction.
But one must destroy to progress. The game opens with an eraser icon and a black screen, and on the first mouse/touchpad click, a spot is erased. Developer and publisher logos appear and disappear on the player’s will, as they wipe the screen again and again. After an introduction with the astronaut and her mission, Kasio’s journal appears, flips open, and the player systematically erases her arrival to Achill and the memories she has scribed. This intuitive gameplay design may appear simplistic, but the nuances which arrive from the player’s command are worth noting. The pace a player may erase often fluctuate as the story progresses and emotions unravel. At the beginning I took my time, leisurely cruising through Kasio’s journal; when she argues with her family or has moments of somber reflection, I found myself rushing in order to wipe away the pain, perhaps sparing Kasio and myself of tears that soon would be shed. As the game continued, the difficulty of erasing became more apparent as I grew fond of her cute portraits, her descriptions of warm food and generous actions. I began within minutes to truly feel I knew Kasio from the words and images she penned, and throughout my playthrough I wanted to protect her.
Llaura McGee and her team — the members of DREAMFEEL — drew every frame of If Found… by hand in a beautiful style reminiscent of watercolor paint over graphite lines. While the game isn’t always contained within journal pages, the imagery is always evocative of art that could reside in it, which allows for an impressive immersion of the art’s erasure. Furthermore, the soundtrack from 2 Mello, blending punk rock with soothing Irish tunes, pairs comfortably with the art and gameplay, never overcoming the natural emotions which arise — usually enhancing them. Without these personal touches, If Found… wouldn’t work.
The core of the game, however, is the narrative, and it must also be commended. Kasio’s return home and the struggles she faces, alongside her friends, are a realistic conflict, especially given the timeframe of the game. One can feel how the team at DREAMFEEL — comprised of almost all queer members — have taken personal experiences in Ireland as inspiration for If Found…. Irish slang and Gaelic phrases are used throughout by the characters; they move across Achill as natives with an ingrained knowledge of where everything approximately lies. The LGBTQIA+ representation in If Found… is similarly natural, remaining the forefront of the visual novel’s most impressive themes.
Kasio is a trans woman. She may also be asexual or aromantic. Colum and Jack are homosexual. Shans (or Anu as he is known in the epilogue) is non-binary. Yet throughout the game, identity is a persistent issue for the characters. DREAMFEEL describe Kasio as having “a very clear sense of herself” (Steam), but her mother and brother both lack an understanding of this identity. For Anu, they struggle to identify with the other Achill citizens due to their Indian background. This lack of assurance in oneself — even for Kasio who seems quite introverted, anxious, and hard on herself — is dutifully captured by Kasio’s insecurities. Take this example from the game:
On the left is Anu, the right Kasio. Anu is detailed with a clear, identifiable face; Kasio’s portrait is cruder, tiny, and lacking color. She seems unsure of herself, her existence, without confidence, compared to this person she admires. Her journal is littered with such details, and it’s these details that make DREAMFEEL’s game a clear labor of love.
Scribbled out paragraphs and drawings identify Kasio’s doubts — and later anger at herself. It’s a relatable feeling (as a gay man myself) to be alone in feeling “different” around people who appear “normal.” Ostracization is an unfortunate product of being “different” from this norm. When you’re queer or atheistic or non-white, one can easily be defined by one’s identity when it contrasts with peers, family, and powerful figures in one’s community — especially if it is outwardly apparent through unique appearances or brazen actions — and If Found… captures in a perfect manner this feeling.
When the climax of If Found… arrives, this feeling also reaches its high point; and in the game’s most psychedelic and disturbing section, everything crumbles. Kasio is almost lost as she ponders her own existence in this world — yet DREAMFEEL don’t allow for a sad ending to ruin the odyssey I and other players have joined. We may have erased so much to get to this point; we may have lost some of our fondest moment; but the game’s denouement is one of an assured future. Kasio is not denied a family, her friends, her home. Not everyone can be given such. That’s life. If Found… is merely a fictional tale with an optimistic spirit. The future is yours. Family is yours. A home is yours. One need only see that they may not fit norms, mores, traditions, or the established status quo. And it’s when Kasio discovers this that If Found… crafts a splendid, almost transcendental moment, one of necessary clarity.
The player creates.
The eraser becomes a pen, and for the final two chapters the player crafts Kasio’s new journal. It’s a long catharsis for all the damage done. I wrote her future, drew her face, sketched a sheep and some clouds, and gave her a name. This was her journal, and I wanted it to be preserved forever — her story lodged permanently in my mind.
To return to how this review began, a journal’s author is elucidated by what’s written within the pages. If Found… cleverly twists how one reads another’s personal belongings through destruction. Pain is evoked; nostalgia and joy are too; anger at times. But DREAMFEEL force the player to continue if they wish to see where Kasio and her family and friends go, who they all become, who they are. Their identities are revealed as they are removed. As much as I wish I didn’t erase it all, I am more glad I began anew and gave Kasio a future — one no longer identifiable for myself, for it is hers alone to find, mine to discover.
